1. Cleveland Browns - It doesn't matter.
2. New York Giants - Anyone would be lucky to play ball in the Big Apple.
3. New York Jets - The ghost of Broadway Joe only grows larger.
4. Cleveland Browns - It doesn't matter.
5. Denver Broncos - 22 playoffs appearances since 1977.
6. Indianapolis Colts - Take all your meals at St. Elmo Steak House
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Bring back the original uniforms.
8. Chicago Bears - "You're never a loser until you quit trying." -- Mike Ditka
9. San Francisco 49ers - Do they still play professional football?
10. Oakland Raiders - Can you draft the Golden Knights?
11. Miami Dolphins - Hilarious.
12. Buffalo Bills - It hasn't been the same since the 90s.
13. Washington Redskins - Overrated franchise.
14. Green Bay Packers - Legacy hampers the team - the last championship was in 2010.
15. Arizona Cardinals - That turf field looks nice.
16. Baltimore Ravens - You'll win a championship once a generation - enjoy it.
17. Los Angeles Chargers - Is Shohei Ohtani available?
18. Seattle Seahawks - At least you have access to good coffee and Amazon Go
19. Dallas Cowboys - Don't Mess with Texas. Learn it. Know it. Live it.
20. Detroit Lions - Ask to be traded to a CFL team.
21. Cincinnati Bengals - Boomer Esiason was the best.
22. Buffalo Bills - See 12.
23. New England Patriots - How much do you like to win?
24. Carolina Panthers - People like living in North Carolina.
25. Tennessee Titans - You have to wear those uniforms, sadly.
26. Atlanta Falcons - You can have early access to Atlanta United FC matches.
27. New Orleans Saints - Seems like a swell city to play professional football.
28. Pittsburgh Steelers - Too bad Sidney Crosby isn't available.
29. Jacksonville Jaguars - Enjoy all the trips to London Town.
30. Minnesota Vikings - Spectacular stadium.
31. New England Patriots - Win. Win. Win.
32. Philadelphia Eagles - Bradley Cooper is a season ticket holder - that's cool.